Meeting your Japanese boyfriend’s parents for the first time: What to wear

Meeting your significant other’s family is never easy. I tend to think it is more difficult if you have an “atypical” relationship (interracial, same-sex). Needless to say, when I was getting ready to meet my boyfriend’s (now fiancé) parents, I was terrified of making a bad impression.

I obsessed over my outfit, practiced my keigo, read lots of blog posts about how to meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents, and made sure I looked “normal” and conservative.

Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents:

Good clothes:Jackets and cardigans: Cardigans are great for warm weather (when you still have to cover up) because they allow air in and can easily paired with a light tank-top and jeans, or a dress.

Examples of Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend's parents

Examples of Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents

I met my Japanese boyfriend’s parents. It worked out, and later along the road my boyfriend (now fiancé) and I got engaged.

At this point, I just wanted to share my advice from the terrifying ordeal otherwise known as meeting your significant other’s parents. Without further ado, I present to you:

Meeting your Japanese boyfriend’s parents for the first time: What to wear

Dress on the safe side. Depending on how long you’ve lived in Japan (or even if you’ve never been to Japan, and your boyfriend’s family lives abroad), you may have noticed that Japanese women tend to cover up – especially in the chest (if you’re a girl). I’m not talking about the youngest generation of pre-teen girls, I talking about how “mature” youth or adults tend to dress in a conservative manner.

Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents:

Good clothes: Jackets, scarves, long skirt, jeans. Even in the summer, you can wear “summer scarves” or light jackets. Try not to show too much skin, especially on your shoulders. In the summer, this is going to be awful, but bear with it.

Examples of Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend's parents

Examples of Clothes you should wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents

People judge other’s based on their appearance. It’s a sad fact of life. I wish it wasn’t so; there have got to be some people out there who live in that high plane of existence, but the vast majority of us do, in fact, judge the book by its cover. The first time I meet someone, before heading anything about them, my brain is already spiraling all the way out of control making general assumptions about them based on their clothes, amount of make-up, and physical appearance – all while I’m silently screaming “Stop! We don’t know anything about them.”

I know I’m not the only one who does this, but even so, I’m ashamed by my own behavior.

Nonetheless, the most important part of your appearance, the part you can actually alter very easily, is the clothes you wear.

I cannot stress this enough.

The clothes you wear are incredibly important.

Your clothes are your first (and sometimes only) opportunity to say something about yourself.

My wonder, beautiful inneracial relationship

My wonder, beautiful inneracial relationship

If you’re a girl: Cover up. Don’t wear anything low-cut, no mini-skirts, don’t make what you wear fit “too tight.” Your boyfriend is already attracted to you. If they’re introducing you to their parents AS their girlfriend (or boyfriend), they probably love you. Non-Japanese women don’t necessarily have a good reputation (several people assume because I’m white, young, and pretty – I’m “loose”); there are so many other places you can showcase your sexuality and attractiveness. At your boyfriend’s (and possibly future husband’s) house is not one of them.

I know this doesn’t seem fair – the whole “judging others based on how they look” thing. However, this is just one of the rules of the game of life. You can dig your heels into the dirt and refuse to play by life’s rules, but the only one you’re going to hurt in the end is yourself. Or you can learn the rules of life and bend the game in your favor.

Clothing you should NOT wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents:

Bad clothes: Form fitting, showing off the chest area, short skirt, short shorts, short dresses, bare shoulders, flashy or gaudy colors, or otherwise “non-motherly” clothes.

Examples of Clothes you should NOT wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend's parents

Examples of Clothes you should NOT wear when you meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents

Like gothic clothes? Dress normal the first couple times. You can pretend you’re “dressing like a boring person” for a day. After the third or fourth time, you can start sneaking in the heavily eyeliner or black chokers. The same goes for any other fashion trend you follow or “atypical” style of dress.

Love using high heels and short skirts or dresses to showcase your legs? Wear jeans the first couple times. Gradually move up to skirts you like, but MAKE SURE there is no chance of you accidentally flashing one of his family members.

Sorry these tips only apply for women. If you are a man being introduced to your Japanese boyfriend’s parents, try to follow the same general rules.

I wish you the best of luck! For more advice about how to meet your Japanese boyfriend’s parents, click here. 

Add me on Google Plus: +Grace Buchele

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2 responses to “Meeting your Japanese boyfriend’s parents for the first time: What to wear

  1. Pingback: Advice for Meeting Japanese Parents: How to Act | Texan in Tokyo·

  2. Pingback: Meeting your Japanese Boyfriend’s / Girlfriend’s Parents: Safe Topics to Talk About | Texan in Tokyo·

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